Category: God


Once he was blind…

A blind man sat on the road to Jericho. He sat there, possibly every single day, hoping that someone would throw a few coins his way. That was his life. Everyday was relatively the same. Black. Dark. Devoid of any light or beauty. Until one day, he heard noises… sounds of a crowd. Since he couldn’t see what was happening, you know being blind and all, he asked someone what was going on. “Jesus is passing by”, he was told. He hasn’t been blind since.

That was my version of Luke 18:35-42. There is much to learn about Jesus from this small passage and as Shyju spoke last night at the healing conference, so much became clear but God still had a word for me specifically, my Rhema.

The blind man’s story could have ended a different way. As strange as this sounds, being blind was comfortable for him. He knew the darkness, he lived in it every day and not to mention, his blindness was his source of income. Calling out to Jesus would mean letting go of the familiar. He would be forced to step out into a new, strange and unfamiliar world, find his place among everybody else. Would he be accepted? How would he support himself? Was he really ready for sight? The future somehow didn’t seem promising.

I thought about why God was telling me this– Did I really want to be healed? Because that meant that I wouldn’t be able to blame everything on some disorder or syndrome or whatever you want to call it. It meant that I would have to take responsibility for my actions. It meant walking without crutches.

Even as Jesus asked the blind man, “What do you want me to do for you?”, the decision was still his to make. Did he want to forever be known as ‘the man who stayed blind’ or did he want to be remembered as ‘that guy who used to be blind but now has perfect 20/20 vision thanks to Jesus’? Because healing isn’t really the problem. He’s called the Healer for a reason.

The real question was in my heart.
Bondage or Freedom?

I made the choice.

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Questioning

I moved here with dreams and hopes.. not only my own but also those that my family had, my friends had and my church had. And sometimes I sit back and I feel like the past ten months have not brought me anywhere closer to seeing those dreams come true.

that’s when I begin to question.

Before moving here, I questioned everything.. my motives, my reasoning, my desires. I wanted what I thought was God’s plan.

Being in church, I was surrounded by faith. Faith in the impossible. Wanting to make a difference and faith that I could. And here, I still want to make a difference. I just don’t see that faith. I don’t know where its gone.

Going back, unfortunately, wont make anything better. Too much time has gone by and I cannot pretend like nothing’s changed.

So what is God’s plan? Where do I stand with respect to it? Am I still on the path that I should be on?

Or did I lose sight of it all in an attempt to discover myself ?

Back to what really matters

This weekend has been one of thoughts. Thoughts of life, love, family and God. Sometimes I feel like I’m living life like a child untouched by anything in the world and I think I need to wake up from this fantasy of mine. Wake up and face the world. Coz’ there’s nothing to be afraid of, there’s nothing my God can’t take care of. I may be grown up to the whole world but I’m still his little girl and always will be.

In church today, I realized that most of my Christian life was dependent on another person’s faith… my pastor, my leader, my mom, my closest friend. It was almost never dependent on my relationship with God. I was always afraid to make decisions for my life even after praying. I was constantly waiting for someone else to give me the green signal. But today, when I’m here and all of my crutches are being pulled away and the new ones that I try to make are being crushed to bits before my eyes, I find myself in the place where it all began… the arms of God.

I’m falling on my knees,
Offering all of me,
Jesus, you’re all this heart is living for.

Making sense of it all

My life has been a drag lately. Nothing but assignments and school and sleep. OH and also food. Lots of food. 😀 I feel like I’m here and I’m missing out on everything back home. Like part of me still lives there and wants to experience everything that they are. A conversation that W and I were having a month after I had moved here, he was telling me to let go because I can’t be in two places at once and how I wouldn’t be able to enjoy what I have here if I’m still holding on to what I left behind. But it’s hard. I knew it would be. I never thought it would be easy. Its been tough as hell. But I made it through my first semester here. I made some good friends. I’ve seen the good, the bad and the horribly ugly. I’ve stepped out. Boldly.

and yet…

part of me wants to be back there… where life was so much simpler. Where I knew everyone and they knew me. I think the hardest part about all this is finding yourself in the midst of a new people. I’ve always defined myself by my family, my friends and my church. Now, I see me in a different light. I’m such a child. I thought I was being all grown up and mature. Like getting on a plane and continent hopping was somehow going to miraculously change me…

I have changed but not for the better I’m afraid. Part of me is sad at what I’ve become but it also increases my determination to find myself in God. A need to know who I am.

And I will. By the end of all this, I will know the answer.

Winter is just around the corner

In 5 weeks, I will *successfully* complete my first semester at George Brown College. In just two months, I have learnt so much, achieved things that I didn’t know I could. The grace of God and the little seed that He put in me amaze me. I know that I carry the potential for change. That something in me can make a difference to a world that is slowly dying. That is my hope.

The completion of my first semester brings me to my problem.
I’m still hoping that God will work a miracle and make it possible for me to spend Christmas at home. I remember a similar prayer when I was 10 for a little sister. That, however, did not work.
I’m keeping my fingers crossed. Maybe, just maybe.

I was so sure that I would be going home that I didn’t make any other plans for the three week holiday. I didnt want to commit myself to anything in case everything worked out and I found myself on a flight home. So most of my friends are flying home to be in their hometown, some are going up north to the mountains. Some are working. I have none of these to look forward to at present.

I’m trying very hard not to be upset and hold it all in.

VERY very hard.

Sometimes, I wonder if I’m going to make it through this holiday.

I’m hoping that someone will adopt the poor little Indian for the holidays. Make it their little Christmas mission. 🙂

I’m a dreamer.

The rains are here!!

I love the rains. This Sunday when Pastor Joseph was talking about how man had been given dominion over the earth, I realized that we have the power to control what happens on earth. We just have to speak because of the authority that God as given us. I turned to Diana (Methrol) next to me and we declared that it was going to rain in a week or so. Turns out it didnt even take that long! I was in Delhi for the first showers. Last night it rained for over three hours with lightning and thunder. It was so… wow!! I didnt sleep till 3 a.m. And I woke the rest of my family too! I love the rains.

Its Me again!

So my blog’s been dead for a while. I just had to face a huge internet bill and so I made choice to stay offline for as long as possible. Its difficult at times. But I manage.

What have I been up to?? Well, turns out Visa work is not a month long process.. takes longer than that apparently. First, my parents drove me nuts because my passport took almost a month before they returned it to me (I was told that it would only take about 5-10 days!!) And then we found out that I have to go to Delhi for the visa interview. Thats this coming Tuesday.. *I am so excited about that* But my Mom went nuts thinking about where we would stay and how expensive hotels were turning out to be and then she would spend all day worrying about the tickets.I didn’t want to book tickets until we were sure how long we would be staying and where we would spend the night and how expensive the whole deal would be. We got all that figured out thanks to Aridhi! *Sends big hug* But now.. Dad calls worried because Delhi isn’t very safe especially with the news of the crazy riots.

That’s when I got mad.. It irritates me that people can say that God will take care of everything and yet add a “but” to the end of the sentence. WHY must there be a “But” at all?!

I’m not super-holy or always charged with faith. And that’s why when people around me who are supposed to be my mentors get worried and fearful it upsets me. Because they are the people I will become. Don’t they get it? They should be imparting Faith… not Fear under the guise of Caution.

I go through fear and insecurity every single day. And when I talk to family/friends and they sound just like me.. it scares me all the more.

What I need most right now.. Is to be sure that God really is in charge. And that means that if he wants me going to this new country and be a blessing there.. He will make sure I get there.

So I don’t care anymore. My surroundings, the people around me, the news reports of Delhi riots.. I DO NOT CARE.

Because I have a GREAT BIG GOD who really has got the whole world in His Hands.

Assured,
Enit

GOD became Man..

GOD became Man. While the creatures on earth walked unaware, Divinity arrived. Heaven opened herself and placed her most Precious One in a human womb.

The Omnipotent, in one instant made Himself breakable. He who had been Spirit became pierceable. He who was larger than the Universe became an embryo. He who sustains the world with a word chose to dependent upon the nourishment of a young girl.

God was given eyebrows, elbows, two kidneys… God came near. He came, not as a flash of light or as an unapproachable conqueror but as one whose first cries were heard by a peasant girl and a sleepy carpenter. The hands that first held him were unmanicured, hard and dirty. No silk, no hype, no party.

Were it not for the shepherds, there would have been no reception. And were it not for a group of star gazers, there would have been no gifts.

Angels watched as Mary changed God’s diaper. The universe watched with wonder as the Almighty learned to walk. Children played in the street with him. And had the synagogue leader in Nazareth known who was listening to his sermons…

Jesus may have had pimples. Perhaps a girl down the street had a crush on him or vice-versa. It could be that his knees were bony. One thing for sure, He was while completely divine, completely human.

For 33 years He would feel everything you and I have ever felt. He felt weak. He grew weary. He was afraid of failure. He was susceptible to wooing women. He burped and had body odor. His feelings got hurt. His feet got tired.

To think of Jesus in such a way may seem almost irreverent. Its not something we like to do. Its uncomfortable. It is much easier to keep the humanity out of the incarnation. Pretend He never snorted or blew His nose or hit His thumb with a hammer.

There is something about keeping Him divine that keeps Him distant, packaged, and predictable.
But don’t do it. For heaven’s sake, don’t.

Let him be as human as He intended to be. Let Him into the mire and the muck of our world. For only if we let Him in, can he pull us out.

In one moment… the most remarkable moment the Word became flesh.

Heb. 4:15- For we don’t have a High Priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who had been tempted in every way, just as we are- yet was without sin.

They shared this with us at the youth camp. It really broke something in me. Suddenly God wasnt so unapproachable anymore.  He was just like me.  Gave me hope.

The youth camp is over and we’re all back home.

It was everything I wanted it to be. I wanted this one to be special because I felt like somehow it might be last one in this church… *at least for a while* And leading 170 youth in worship was just so fulfilling. Watching them praise God and worship Him… It was moving for me. I watched them weep, I watched them pray.
I watched and prayed knowing that there is a chance that I might never see this again. My heart was so broken and for the first time I found myself praying for them instead of praying for me.

The worship team did so well. I’m so proud of all of them. They made leading so much more easier for Diana and me. And in Worship was that first explosion from God which lasted for over 2 hours.. I cannot forget what happened at this camp.

Today, at my cell group meeting, all of the people who were at the camp had something to share. One girl said that she actually danced and laughed for the first time in 6 months. Another one said that she felt God loved her for the first time. Someone else shared of the freedom she experienced after giving her life to Jesus. 10 and 11 year olds went home so excited because God had touched them.
Lives changed forever.

History Makers are born. Are you ready for them?

Getting Prepared

So if you think I’m going nuts and keep oscillating between crazy Christine, who is sure that the world is out to get her, to not-so-mental Christine… Just pick up the phone or drop me an email and tell me to stop whatever it is that I’m doing and Just go pray. Because I’ve realized that God has an answer for every one of my insecurities. I dont need to be worried. I don’t know why I didnt think of this earlier. Maybe I did and I just thought it was optimistic Christine talking. I don’t like optimistic Christine sometimes. She takes the joy out of being depressed.

Ahh.. But God has the answer to EVERYTHING! And the way he talks..

When I’m wrong about something I usually never pray because I know he’s going to tell me to go back and apologoze or whatever it is that I’m supposed to be doing. But the thing about God.. He waits until he knows I’m ready to be corrected. He waits. And thats just beautiful. He doesnt preach to me! I don’t know if I’m the only one. But thats how He deals with me and I love it! You don’t even realise that you’re being corrected!

So here I am,as weak as could be, looking up to a God who has the strength and the power I need, preparing to face new challenges and overcome new mountains!

-Enit