Category: family


December blues

  1. My first turkey dinner of the year today, at the Holiday party I helped organize at the shelter. I can’t believe its over, after all the planning, decorating, practice sessions with the kids, multiple trips from the basement to the second floor, it’s done. I’m exhausted. Dinner was good though.
  2. After three months, I feel like I’m finally connecting with the women and children. I love these kids, they make me laugh and cry with all their antics. But what I love best of all… the hugs. =)
  3. My first Christmas away from family and as much as I try not to think about it, the thought and the emotion that follows shows up pretty often… No matter how awesome my friends are here, it’s just not the same. We didn’t have any traditions that we followed but we were all together at that time, all four of us. And that made it special enough.
  4. I’m one week away from completing my third semester in this program; which means I have until April to figure out life and what I want to do. It is at times like this, that I just want to shut down and have someone else make all the decisions for me. Growing up sucks.
  5. I miss making music… For so long that was who I thought I was. The singer, musician, song writer. An artist of sorts. It wasn’t perfect but it was mine… and now I don’t really know where I stand. For now, I look on from the sidelines. Maybe I’ll find another passion, maybe I won’t.
  6. Justin turned 21 last week. He’s growing up and I’m trying to catch up. I miss you kid.
  7. I hate this December.
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– I have so many thoughts running through my head all day, every day and I really must pen at least some of them down. Not all since… well that would just not be a very good idea.

– Most of my Christian life was spent trying to be good and along with that came an accusing, judgmental view of everyone who was not ‘right’. Recently, I sat back and thought about how I had judged several people for their lifestyle, their opinions, their choices, class, race, gender, age, sexuality etc etc when really there is no reason for me to judge. I mean, in the grand scheme of things, Who Am I? And who said that I could ever sit back on my high throne and judge the rest of the world like I was made from a different, more superior mud? If anything, I have made far more mistakes and have had several regrets and a staggering number of failures. So, I just wanted to say, that whoever you are, whatever you choose to do with your life is your business. It is between you and God. I have no say in the matter. I choose not to judge you based on my own prejudices and personal system of beliefs and if you still feel like I am tell me. Because I know that the worst moments in my life are not while making the decision or a mistake, its feeling judged after.

– In 2 weeks, I will be on Indian soil and that leaves me, at all times of the day or night, restless and unable to sleep. I dream about it when I am sleeping, I am constantly making lists of things to take with me and then seperate lists of what to bring back. It is driving me insane!! Part of me is afraid that once I am there, everyone will be busy working or studying. Which leaves me at the mercy of my family and while I love them dearly, I really am not ready to discuss the one topic that I know is on their minds. “A suitable boy for me and how to attain him” a.k.a A.S.B.F.M.A.H.T.A.H. I get it… as my family, you are worried for me and you want to see me happy. But give me a chance at discovering myself first. I feel like I don’t know me at all. I am just understanding what sort of person I am.. Just barely. I am not yet completely independent and until I find myself.. I can’t commit to being in something as momentous as marriage. It’s not that I don’t want to. I do. I always have… But those were silly flighty dreams of a schoolgirl. I don’t know Christine the woman yet.So back off, let me breathe and no one will be hurt.

– I had some store credit from a bad purchase last year and I put it to some good use today. πŸ™‚ I love shopping!

– I really want to paint my toe nails some deep dark color but thinking of spending money that I don’t have on nail paint and other such fancy thingsΒ  makes me a little sad.

– I spent a considerable amount of time at the bookstore today. So many books that I wanted to read and buy and gift… I want:
Emily Giffin’s books – ‘Love the one you’re with’ and ‘Baby Proof’
‘Twenties Girl’ – Sophie Kinsella
‘Secrets of a Shoe Addict: a novel’ – Harbison Beth
‘Confession of an Ugly Stepsister’ – Gregory Maguire
The Gatecrasher: a novel’ – Madeleine Wickham (Spohie Kinsella)
‘The book of Negroes’ – Lawrence Hill
‘I love you, Beth Cooper’ – Larry Doyle
‘The Other Boleyn Girl’ – Philippa Gregory
I also want to re-read ‘The Time Traveller’s Wife’.. I loved that book.
*sigh* Again, this no money situation really really sucks.

– Back to school in a month and a half. Yay!

– Just a shout out to Niki. She’s got a great blog that I really enjoy reading. I know you will too. This means you Shee. πŸ™‚

– I will home in 2 weeks! Did I say that already? Ah, who cares! Home! To my bed, to my walls, to my cupboard, to my Justin, my ‘rents and my Noah. πŸ˜€

So…

…I got my work permit and now I need to start looking for a job and all that. All my mother has to say to that is why didn’t I start on things sooner.

Sometimes people just don’t get how scary and overwhelming this whole thing is. I am not used to having to do everything by myself and its a learning process but its really scary sometimes and I wish someone would understand what that means.

I really thought I was ready for everything that moving here would bring, every battle, every problem, every struggle but now that I am here.. I still feel tiny and incapable of doing what I need to do.

All I am asking is that you understand.
Be my friend. Be here. That’s all I want.

I really should update my blog more often. I don’t like when its all… dead. My past week has been stressful. For some reason, Mom n me have been getting into a lot more arguments. I’m sure there is a perfectly logical reason for me waking up each morning to the sound of her yelling in the kitchen. Someone please tell me what it is!!!! I really can’t take it anymore. I want to find a job so that I can get some time away from the Momster!! that way we won’t kill each other and we can get back to that loving relationship that we used to have.

But gooood news!!!

I’m going to be home alone for a week!! Momster and Justin are going to Saudi. Justin will be back by Friday and Mom plans on staying a little longer! *Peace and Quiet.. Such beautiful words* I wish Sheila was in town.. We could’ve had another week of fun but without Justin “Name, Place, Animal, Thing” just wouldn’t be the same. I miss you Shee..

My mom’s going nuts trying to figure out what i’m going to do for food. She’s convinced that I know nothing about cooking!! Which is absolute rubbish! I can make a real nice peanut butter and jelly sandwich!! and my breakfast cereal… Nothing like it!! Thats food. That you eat to survive. I didn’t say that to her coz’ you never know what could turn her into The Hulk. *I wanna watch the Movie btw* So she’s in there right now cooking up a storm. I have this feeling I could throw a party for like a 50 people and still have enough food left over to last me a month.

I’ve never been completely alone actually. Always had Justin there. I mean… in an “I’m there but don’t talk to me or breathe near me kind of way”. So this is a first. Good training for Can..

Hmm…

I think i’ll sleepover at Gina’s place. *I’m inviting myself over, Gina.. Thank you for being so nice to me*
-Enit

The one thing about the rains that I hate is that I’m not allowed to leave the house. Its horrible!! I have no friends that live near home. They’re far far away and my mom is terrified of letting me out for fear that I will dissolve in the rain. *mutters and mumbles* I know that it is reason to be worried coz’ of the floods a couple of years back. She’s convinced that its going to happen again this year.

So today we had made plans to go to college and go shopping afterwards. Oscar’s family friend will probably be joining college and she’s new to B’bay and she needed some help shopping for college. So Oscar’s mom asked me to be there and help with the shopping. Thank you GOD!!! Thankfully, Oscar’s mom doesn’t know that I’m not very good at street shopping. πŸ˜€ I just need a reason to get out of the house!!

I need a job.. That’s a reason to leave the house every day and you get paid to do it too!!

Last night, Gina, Eb and me were talking late into the night… and we came up with some really funny stuff.
For instance,
Gina: You two are so entertaining. This is like television for my ears.
*silence*
Eb: I think you mean the radio.

There was some other stuff but in an effort to protect Oscar I will not mention it here. Oh we missed you lastΒ  night Osci..

I don’t recommend late night talking unless you have coffee connected directly to your veins. We had to finish around 2. I feel so old. Imagine sleeping at 2!!

I can’t believe I get to go to college today!!! and hang out with the craziest and sweetest people i know.
I’m so excited!!!

I think I’ll miss the madness the most. *sigh*

Its Me again!

So my blog’s been dead for a while. I just had to face a huge internet bill and so I made choice to stay offline for as long as possible. Its difficult at times. But I manage.

What have I been up to?? Well, turns out Visa work is not a month long process.. takes longer than that apparently. First, my parents drove me nuts because my passport took almost a month before they returned it to me (I was told that it would only take about 5-10 days!!) And then we found out that I have to go to Delhi for the visa interview. Thats this coming Tuesday.. *I am so excited about that* But my Mom went nuts thinking about where we would stay and how expensive hotels were turning out to be and then she would spend all day worrying about the tickets.I didn’t want to book tickets until we were sure how long we would be staying and where we would spend the night and how expensive the whole deal would be. We got all that figured out thanks to Aridhi! *Sends big hug* But now.. Dad calls worried because Delhi isn’t very safe especially with the news of the crazy riots.

That’s when I got mad.. It irritates me that people can say that God will take care of everything and yet add a “but” to the end of the sentence. WHY must there be a “But” at all?!

I’m not super-holy or always charged with faith. And that’s why when people around me who are supposed to be my mentors get worried and fearful it upsets me. Because they are the people I will become. Don’t they get it? They should be imparting Faith… not Fear under the guise of Caution.

I go through fear and insecurity every single day. And when I talk to family/friends and they sound just like me.. it scares me all the more.

What I need most right now.. Is to be sure that God really is in charge. And that means that if he wants me going to this new country and be a blessing there.. He will make sure I get there.

So I don’t care anymore. My surroundings, the people around me, the news reports of Delhi riots.. I DO NOT CARE.

Because I have a GREAT BIG GOD who really has got the whole world in His Hands.

Assured,
Enit

Dedicated to my Mom…

THINGS ONLY A MOM CAN TEACH

My Mother taught me about ANTICIPATION:
“Just wait until your father gets home.”

My Mother taught me about RECEIVING:.
“You are going to get it when we get home!”

My Mother taught me to MEET A CHALLENGE:
“What were you thinking? Answer me when I talk to you…Don’t talk back to me!”

My Mother taught me LOGIC:
“Because I said so, that’s why.”
&
“If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you’re not going to the store with me.”

My Mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE:
“If you don’t stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that way.”

My Mother taught me to THINK AHEAD:
“If you don’t pass your spelling test, you’ll never get a good job.”

My Mother taught me ESP:
“Put your sweater on; don’t you think I know when you’re cold?”

My Mother taught me HUMOR:
“When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don’t come running to me.”

My Mother taught me how to BECOME AN ADULT:
“If you don’t eat your vegetables, you’ll never grow up.”

My Mother taught me about SEX:
“How do you think you got here?”

My Mother taught me about GENETICS:
“You’re just like your father.”

My Mother taught me about my ROOTS:
“Do you think you were born in a barn?”

My Mother taught me about WISDOM OF AGE:
“When you get to be my age, you will understand.”

My Mother taught me about JUSTICE:
“One day you’ll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you. Then you’ll see what it’s like.”

My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL:
“If you don’t straighten up, I’m going to knock you into the middle of next week!”

My mother taught me FORESIGHT:
“Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you’re in an accident.”

My mother taught me IRONY:
“Keep crying and I’ll *give* you something to cry about.”

My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS:
“Shut your mouth and eat your supper!”

My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM:
“Will you *look* at the dirt on the back of your neck!”

My mother taught me about STAMINA:
“You’ll sit there until all that spinach is finished.”

My mother taught me about WEATHER:
“It looks as if a tornado swept through your room.”

My mother taught me how to solve PHYSICS PROBLEMS:
“If I yelled because I saw a meteor coming toward you, would you listen then?”

My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY:
“If I’ve told you once, I’ve told you a million times: Don’t Exaggerate!!!”

My mother taught me THE CIRCLE OF LIFE:
“I brought you into this world, and I can take you out.”

My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION:
“Stop acting like your father!”

My mother taught me about ENVY:
“There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don’t have wonderful parents like you do!”

Gooooooaaaaaa!

I’m a tiny bit closer to convincing my mom about a trip to Goa. The plan initially was a trip for all of my friends with my mom as the adult figure. Not the greatest idea I know.. But there was no other way that she’d let me go with just my friends. I wonder if she doesnt trust me..hmm… But anyway, a friend of hers suggested today that we should take a trip coz’ Justin and I are both free… and thankfully this time “trip/holiday” does not register as a one month stay in Saudi. Right now, I’m letting her think it was her idea. I just have to convince her about 6-7 friends who *might* join us. πŸ˜€
Not the easiest thing in the world..but not impossible either.

Sun and Sand on my mind.. πŸ™‚

Drowning

So I’ve been struggling with these college application for the last two days and since I’ve explained the situation over and over again to different people, I’m not going to start over here. Its so hard to put in your own words why you want to do a particular course. I mean you want to be yourself and yet sound super smart and eventually end up putting a lot on there that you’re not sure you want to say.

There’s so much on my mind right now… like my cupboard. I’m so embarrassed to be saying this.. but its hard to open it coz’ you never know what might fall on top of you. My big challenge these past few days has been making sure my Mom doesn’t get anywhere near it. Think of what could happen:

Mom: Where’s that white Dupatta of mine? It must be in your cupboard.. You’re always stealing my stuff!!!

Me: *From the Kitchen* I’ll get it for you. Let me just get something to eat first.

Mom: Which translates as ‘Wait a week, I’ll courier it to you’. What am I going to do with this girl?? Stop eating so much..You dont even exerci… Aiyoooo, look at the mess in this room..

Me: *halfway thru my first bite of yummy Tuna sandwich* NOooOOOOooooOOooOO maa. wait. I’ll do it.

Mom:OOf! what am I going to do with you??!! I‘m here already. I might as wellAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!! Help! Help! I’m being attacked by bags!

Me: *to self* and empty boxes of chocolates, jeans that I no longer fit into,t-shirts,books..
Oh look maa, here’s your dupatta. You were right after all!

Mom: *from under a huge pile of stuff* You.. I’ll.. Just wait..
You are irresponsible, you don’t do any work at home. Just sit and get fatter! When you get married your mother-in-law is not going to let you get away with living like this. I’ll get a bad name because of you!!!! and look at all these chocolate wrappers.. no wonder you’re getting rounder!!!! *tries to get off the floor*

Me: *helps her up*

Mom: …and you haven’t found a job yet.. How long should I pay for you. You’re 21!!!!! Do something with your life! Your father has spoiled you. Just wait, I’ll tell him all this.NO MORE CHOCOLATES FOR YOU NOW!!

So, now you know why I have to get my cupboard cleared up ASAP! How can I live without chocolate?!!! Aiyooo! πŸ˜›

Moving on to seriouser topics..
This Wednesday, I got a chance to go for house church at Borivali with Eben and Oscar and I realized that I really missed being a part of Shannon’s house church.I miss him and his guitar. I love the way he teaches the Word. He’s so much fun. You just know he has spent a lot of time and effort to prepare the Word. And I have rarely met people who are so theologically sound. Most people just believe whatever they’re told. No searching scripture for the answer. I’m just so grateful to be under his leadership. I started from there.. and I’m here today because he invested so much into my life. *gives Shannon cool pink guitar as token of gratitude*

I have to end this earlier than I thought. There’s some wedding in the building and they’ve asked a band *no not a cool one.. one of those marching bands* and they’re playing extremely loud and annoying songs from Om shanti om which happens to be the stupidest movie of the century!! Even Himmesh’s masterpiece was stupid but slightly believable!!

Happy weekend all!!!

Woe is me

I cant take it anymore! I never thought being at home all day could be so frustrating!! I have to listen to Mom and all her woes everyday. They mostly begin with ‘oh, you’re putting on weight’ and end with ‘how are we going to get you married?’

I have to find a job! and soon. I even thought of joining the office where my friend works.. Better pay than my last job, closer to home, I dont have to get to work until 9.30, alternate Saturdays are off and its bang opposite the mall! Sounds perfect no?

The only thing is.. its a completely mindless job! I do not want to be stuck doing something that i need absolutely no qualification or skills for.. I would’ve picked up a job at a call centre then!

I hate being here at this time of my life when every decision I make makes a huge difference to every other commitment in my life.. Family, Church, Music *laughed out loud at the last one*.

I’ve noticed that while lectures and extra classes is tolerated in church.. being out coz’ of work is not really approved of..

And thats how I feel too..I wouldnt want to be stuck at work when everyone else is at church.. having fun.

I wish people would pay me to watch TV.. I do that really well!

Why is 21 so hard?
I miss 17.. Things were easier then…

Oh wait.. 17 was when I made some of the biggest mistakes in my life. Big Mouth Christine in her early years…

*sigh*

Hope tomorrow is a better day.