Category: boredom


  • Semester Four (the very last one) of my Assaulted Women and Children’s Counselor Program (Yeah, try fitting that into a decently formatted resume..Or maybe I just suck at formatting.) In any case, mouthful as it is, this course has been amazing so far. Looking back, I can see how far I have come, the journey’s been hard but so worthwhile.
  • Of all my courses, the hardest one that I find this semester is the only online course I have – Children’s Literature. I  thought that being a English Lit student in the past, that this would come easily to me but I have been falling behind and it has me up at nights… no, not actually doing the work for the course but awake worrying that I won’t graduate. I don’t know if they have a name for my level of procrastination. I did manage to get some of the reading for that course done today. Maybe there is still some hope?
  • Every day is a day of discovering something new about myself. And though this can be increasingly overwhelming, I know that it is for the best and that understanding myself is a step in understanding others. I am in the social service field for a reason.
  • So what is it about forgiving that ‘special’ someone that brings up every horrible fight, back- stabbing, name-calling, screaming match that ever took place. Especially the ones that were initiated by this person. Seventy times seven? Feels like a lot more.
  • Heated telephone discussion about traditions in relations to weddings. Maybe everyone else expects to have that dream wedding and have their parents pay for it. That is their issue.. That does not mean that this is what I am going to do.. I have been saying this for a while now and I mean it when I say that if it is my wedding, I am paying for it and if that means that I have to cut down my guest list from 2000 to maybe 50, NOT a problem! I don’t freakin’ care. I don’t have it all figured out but I would like it to be small. Very small. I don’t really want to invite family, you know the ones that haven’t even pretended to care in years. After making this big speech and finally taking a moment to inhale, the response was ‘Don’t tell this to other people, what will they think of you. You going to pay for your own wedding?’
    I have three words for you- Take. A. Hike. (trust me, its a lot better and far more PG rated than what I was thinking)
  • Michael Buble. =) I have heard he can be kind of a douche but I don’t care at this point.. He’s adorable..
    Watch this song and then this SNL sketch.
  • Losing faith in happily-ever-afters.
    Just in time for Valentine’s Day.

    -Enit

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December blues

  1. My first turkey dinner of the year today, at the Holiday party I helped organize at the shelter. I can’t believe its over, after all the planning, decorating, practice sessions with the kids, multiple trips from the basement to the second floor, it’s done. I’m exhausted. Dinner was good though.
  2. After three months, I feel like I’m finally connecting with the women and children. I love these kids, they make me laugh and cry with all their antics. But what I love best of all… the hugs. =)
  3. My first Christmas away from family and as much as I try not to think about it, the thought and the emotion that follows shows up pretty often… No matter how awesome my friends are here, it’s just not the same. We didn’t have any traditions that we followed but we were all together at that time, all four of us. And that made it special enough.
  4. I’m one week away from completing my third semester in this program; which means I have until April to figure out life and what I want to do. It is at times like this, that I just want to shut down and have someone else make all the decisions for me. Growing up sucks.
  5. I miss making music… For so long that was who I thought I was. The singer, musician, song writer. An artist of sorts. It wasn’t perfect but it was mine… and now I don’t really know where I stand. For now, I look on from the sidelines. Maybe I’ll find another passion, maybe I won’t.
  6. Justin turned 21 last week. He’s growing up and I’m trying to catch up. I miss you kid.
  7. I hate this December.

Priorities

I should blog.

I should also finish assignments that are due in the very near future.

I think I’ll take a nap.

– I have so many thoughts running through my head all day, every day and I really must pen at least some of them down. Not all since… well that would just not be a very good idea.

– Most of my Christian life was spent trying to be good and along with that came an accusing, judgmental view of everyone who was not ‘right’. Recently, I sat back and thought about how I had judged several people for their lifestyle, their opinions, their choices, class, race, gender, age, sexuality etc etc when really there is no reason for me to judge. I mean, in the grand scheme of things, Who Am I? And who said that I could ever sit back on my high throne and judge the rest of the world like I was made from a different, more superior mud? If anything, I have made far more mistakes and have had several regrets and a staggering number of failures. So, I just wanted to say, that whoever you are, whatever you choose to do with your life is your business. It is between you and God. I have no say in the matter. I choose not to judge you based on my own prejudices and personal system of beliefs and if you still feel like I am tell me. Because I know that the worst moments in my life are not while making the decision or a mistake, its feeling judged after.

– In 2 weeks, I will be on Indian soil and that leaves me, at all times of the day or night, restless and unable to sleep. I dream about it when I am sleeping, I am constantly making lists of things to take with me and then seperate lists of what to bring back. It is driving me insane!! Part of me is afraid that once I am there, everyone will be busy working or studying. Which leaves me at the mercy of my family and while I love them dearly, I really am not ready to discuss the one topic that I know is on their minds. “A suitable boy for me and how to attain him” a.k.a A.S.B.F.M.A.H.T.A.H. I get it… as my family, you are worried for me and you want to see me happy. But give me a chance at discovering myself first. I feel like I don’t know me at all. I am just understanding what sort of person I am.. Just barely. I am not yet completely independent and until I find myself.. I can’t commit to being in something as momentous as marriage. It’s not that I don’t want to. I do. I always have… But those were silly flighty dreams of a schoolgirl. I don’t know Christine the woman yet.So back off, let me breathe and no one will be hurt.

– I had some store credit from a bad purchase last year and I put it to some good use today. 🙂 I love shopping!

– I really want to paint my toe nails some deep dark color but thinking of spending money that I don’t have on nail paint and other such fancy things  makes me a little sad.

– I spent a considerable amount of time at the bookstore today. So many books that I wanted to read and buy and gift… I want:
Emily Giffin’s books – ‘Love the one you’re with’ and ‘Baby Proof’
‘Twenties Girl’ – Sophie Kinsella
‘Secrets of a Shoe Addict: a novel’ – Harbison Beth
‘Confession of an Ugly Stepsister’ – Gregory Maguire
The Gatecrasher: a novel’ – Madeleine Wickham (Spohie Kinsella)
‘The book of Negroes’ – Lawrence Hill
‘I love you, Beth Cooper’ – Larry Doyle
‘The Other Boleyn Girl’ – Philippa Gregory
I also want to re-read ‘The Time Traveller’s Wife’.. I loved that book.
*sigh* Again, this no money situation really really sucks.

– Back to school in a month and a half. Yay!

– Just a shout out to Niki. She’s got a great blog that I really enjoy reading. I know you will too. This means you Shee. 🙂

– I will home in 2 weeks! Did I say that already? Ah, who cares! Home! To my bed, to my walls, to my cupboard, to my Justin, my ‘rents and my Noah. 😀

My lazy day

I have so many books to read.. I dont know why I sit online all day.

My list-
Eclipse- Book 3 in the Twilight series
City of Ashes- Book 2 in the The Mortal instruments series
My sister’s Keeper- Jodi Picoult
My sister from the Black Lagoon- Laurie Fox ( I started this but I didn’t really like it)
Six reasons to stay a virgin- Louise Harwood
Oyster catchers – Susan Fletcher
Rachel’s holiday- Marian Keyes

I am reading A fine Balance by Rohinton Mistry right now. If you havent read it yet… GO now!!  NOW!

Beni will be back next week which is a relief. lol.. She might befrom another planet but she’s kind and lovely and wonderful and all that. 🙂

Today I spent in my room, either online or on my bed.. I was looking through old birthday cards, letters, diary entries. Just so grateful for those people and those times in my life. I still sit back and think about whether this is what I really wanted. I mean I could have just stayed back and spent time with those people..

…but then I wouldn’t have learned so much about myself.

Moving was a good thing but sometimes…

…all I can do is keep breathing

My June update

– Done with placement but I’ll still be volunteering occasionally.. just coz’ I enjoy being there so much.
– Still looking for a job
– Looking forward to furniture shopping, packing and decorating
– Discovering new things about myself.. strengths that I never knew I had and weaknesses that I never thought I’d have
– Still waiting for what the locals call ‘summer’
– Miss the sights, sounds and smells of home. All I really want right now is some rice, dal and chicken curry.
– Still hoping to go home in August. Please Jesus!

Peace,
eniT

Beni has an exam tomorrow and we thought it would be a great time to make brownies during the course of which there were several interesting moments-

“Cough” (pronounced ‘cuff’)

“Pissa” (Pizza as a Mallu would say it)

“You have so much ‘cuff’, you should go to the Ee-yen-dee (ENT)”

“The Quoon (queen) has a cuff, let’s give her a blaanget (blanket) and a kuilt (quilt) and then take her to an Ee-yen-dee”

“Spaagatti” (Spaghetti)

“oh there’s a creamy inside” (Dont ask me.. Ask beni)

“Let’s mix the creamy with the brownie”

“CooCoombur” (Cucumber)

“Creamy cuff”

“My cuff tasted weird”

“How do I make my cuff taste creamy?”

“Skin treatment is rubbing creamy and brownie mix on skin”

“Otri beautifull”

The brownies were pretty good. A little too “creamy” maybe but still good.

Update

-I had a six year old girl come up to me at my agency, give me a hug and tell me that she loved me. All because I offered her a glass of juice.
I almost didnt want to let her go. 😦

– I find waking up every morning such an ordeal. I lay in bed debating whether getting up and making the hour and a half journey to placement is really worth it.

– Beni is drowning in school- readings, group projects and exams. I almost never see her anymore.

– For some reason, people are directed to my blog while searching for ‘thendi’. WHY?!!

– Nothing else to say

Enit

-The weather has been so beautiful today. It was pleasantly warm in the morning and then it started to rain by the time I left placement.. and it hasnt stopped since. Reminds me so much of home.

-Beni is finally in Toronto! She’s moving in tomorrow morning… I can barely believe this is actually happening. Part of me feels like I am in some elaborate dream.

– In Beni’s honour, I changed the look of my room. I moved the furniture around.. Did some cleaning. Still havent gotten a chance to organise. ugh.. I like the way I have it arranged for now. Its cosy. Maybe I’ll put up pictures at a later date.

– After all the room decorating and cleaning, its past 1 am and as always I am sitting here awake, writing a blog post.

– Time to go watch Lost.

Rain rain rain rain. *sigh*
-Enit

Interestingly strange

– I love listening to music when I’m traveling. It’s something that I have always done and I don’t even have to really listen to the song, I just need it playing in the background. I could be talking to someone in person or on the phone or reading a book. Maybe people watching. I just need to have some music playing.

– When certain songs play, I look around, outside the window of the streetcar or even at the people around me in the subway and I like to pretend that we’re all in the music video together. Or if I’m walking while I’m listening to the song, I walk to the beat of the song. Does everyone do that? I wonder.

– I’m reading this book called ‘The Year of Secret Assignments’ (There was a book sale). It’s about three best friends who study together and they have an assignment in their English class where they are supposed to write letters to students of a rival school. the chapters are written either as letters or diary entries. I can’t seem to put it down… I find myself so lost in it sometimes that I feel like I am one of the characters in the book. Maybe not a main character, maybe the mother or the younger brother or the dog.. just observing, with a few lines in between. (how come I’m not a main character in my own little fantasies?! Do I have such low self-esteem?)

– What I like most about the book is the whole pen pal aspect to it. In the age of emails and facebook and twitter, a letter is so refreshing. And for as long as I can remember, I have always been fascinated by pen pals. I think I am going to look around for a website or something of the sort.

– I think the reason I’m really drawn to this book is because its a book about high school kids. Closer to my mental age.  The last few books I have been reading have something to do with pregnant women. I know so much about pregnancy now that I am quite sure I do not want children anytime soon. The whole nine months seem like such an ordeal.. I am in no way ready to go through something like that. Not to mention, I do not have the money. Do you know how expensive it is to have a baby?! Food, clothes, diapers, books, toys, diapers, cribs, strollers, diapers, lack of sleep, blankets, Johnson’s baby products, diapers!!!

– Now you’re probably wondering why I’m talking of babies when I’m nowhere close to getting married. (Or maybe you’re not thinking that… maybe you’re used to me by now) Marriage is another one of my favorite topics and every few days I make a new discovery about marriage in relation to me. Like a few weeks ago, I realized that I am not ready for a relationship because I am not spiritually or emotionally mature enough. Therefore, I conclude, that I am not ready for marriage for the same reasons plus an additional reason- financial independence and stability. Last week, it dawned on me that this whole marriage thing was a race- between me and my parents. I have to find someone before my mom does. Why? Because I am going to live with him, not her. Today, I discovered another important point- I want to be with someone that’s mysterious in a quiet, rebel kind of way. Not a rebellious rebel. (No. That did not make sense even to me) Someone who doesn’t do things because everyone else does, who swims against the current but not because he wants to be noticed. Just because that’s who he is.

-Maybe I shouldn’t have written that last paragraph. I think its only supposed to make sense in my head. Well, you’ll know when I find him.

– I decided on names for my kids a year ago… Claire and Adam. But that’s assuming that I have a girl and a boy. I didnt have names incase I had two girls or two boys. So other names that I thought would be nice- Emily and Andrew.

– Is it weird that whenever I think of my daughter I always imagine a girl with blond pigtails and blue-green eyes?

Now would be a good time to get to my assignments.
-Enit