My life has been a drag lately. Nothing but assignments and school and sleep. OH and also food. Lots of food. 😀 I feel like I’m here and I’m missing out on everything back home. Like part of me still lives there and wants to experience everything that they are. A conversation that W and I were having a month after I had moved here, he was telling me to let go because I can’t be in two places at once and how I wouldn’t be able to enjoy what I have here if I’m still holding on to what I left behind. But it’s hard. I knew it would be. I never thought it would be easy. Its been tough as hell. But I made it through my first semester here. I made some good friends. I’ve seen the good, the bad and the horribly ugly. I’ve stepped out. Boldly.

and yet…

part of me wants to be back there… where life was so much simpler. Where I knew everyone and they knew me. I think the hardest part about all this is finding yourself in the midst of a new people. I’ve always defined myself by my family, my friends and my church. Now, I see me in a different light. I’m such a child. I thought I was being all grown up and mature. Like getting on a plane and continent hopping was somehow going to miraculously change me…

I have changed but not for the better I’m afraid. Part of me is sad at what I’ve become but it also increases my determination to find myself in God. A need to know who I am.

And I will. By the end of all this, I will know the answer.

Advertisements