I don’t get it. I must be doing something right for all this to be happening. If I only I knew what it was. I’d keep doing it. Still doesn’t change the fact that i’m terrified. This is huge for me.
I struggle with leading worship in a small group of 10 people. God actually showing up during worship never ceases to amaze me. And now… more than 150 people. I’m not scared. I’m completely clueless. I don’t know what to do. Part of me wants to go back into the reflex mode where I just run away and just not show up.
I also want to do this. I want to do this so bad. Its taken long enough to happen and I know its good coz’ it’ll help me grow and bring me closer to my calling.

Why is this so scary?

I have all these fears and questions in my head. I want to pray but somehow I know God’s not going to send those chariots to rapture me away…

Only one thing to do…  This time I’m depending on him. Completely. Fully dependent on him. I have nothing apart from God. I am nothing apart from God.

There. That should make things easier.

Somehow, God’s sense of humor is not making much sense these days.