Archive for January, 2008


A little revelation

There are two kinds of people in the world.
One kind that lives for themselves. Now, I dont have an issue with that. Thats where I fit in. i could write volumes on how selfish I‘ve been am.. Everyone’s out there for themselves.

But there is one other kind of people..
Those that live for others. There might be many who claim to fit in here. I for one, would not dare try to get myself into this elite club..
I know only one person who lived for others when most of those others didnt really care.. they were too busy having a great time in the first group.

Jesus. The only one I know who gave everything up for me. Even when he knew that for years I would live my life in complete ignorance of what he did or why he did it.

Today, I know that life for me would be to be like him.
I have a lot of dying to do.

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Woe is me

I cant take it anymore! I never thought being at home all day could be so frustrating!! I have to listen to Mom and all her woes everyday. They mostly begin with ‘oh, you’re putting on weight’ and end with ‘how are we going to get you married?’

I have to find a job! and soon. I even thought of joining the office where my friend works.. Better pay than my last job, closer to home, I dont have to get to work until 9.30, alternate Saturdays are off and its bang opposite the mall! Sounds perfect no?

The only thing is.. its a completely mindless job! I do not want to be stuck doing something that i need absolutely no qualification or skills for.. I would’ve picked up a job at a call centre then!

I hate being here at this time of my life when every decision I make makes a huge difference to every other commitment in my life.. Family, Church, Music *laughed out loud at the last one*.

I’ve noticed that while lectures and extra classes is tolerated in church.. being out coz’ of work is not really approved of..

And thats how I feel too..I wouldnt want to be stuck at work when everyone else is at church.. having fun.

I wish people would pay me to watch TV.. I do that really well!

Why is 21 so hard?
I miss 17.. Things were easier then…

Oh wait.. 17 was when I made some of the biggest mistakes in my life. Big Mouth Christine in her early years…

*sigh*

Hope tomorrow is a better day.

Thinking

Money.
Relationships are torn apart by this one thing.
it scares me to see siblings, parents, friends all fight over this one thing.
Scared that I might do the same in their place.

The people you spent most of your life with, playing, teasing, laughing.. suddenly turn their back on you.

Apparently, money defines who will and will not talk to you.

If you have the money *and are willing to share* the world is your friend!

If you dont…

I’ve experienced both sides..

and its surprising.. the people you least expect, step to help and the ones you were counting on.. have suddenly disappeared.

just felt the need to rant about something that was on my heart for a while.
feel free to say what you feel.

My baby’s gone..

vio-n-josh.jpg
Violet and Josh
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Oscar, Josh, Vio & Sacheeta
josh.jpg
Come back soon. We’re all waiting for the joy you bring.

My voice is totally out… and I LOVE it!!

It sounds so… “sexy”.. to put it in phoebe’s words!

I cant really sing but.. oh well.. I still sound.. um.. interesting.

I miss singing with Vio!

Worship at the Housechurch tomorrow is going to be really interesting.

p.s: for those who are still wondering.. yes, I am still trying to get my mind of my Josh. I envy all of you who got to spend some more time with him! I miss my baby so much. I didnt even get to wish him goodbye for one last time. I dont wanna move to Can anymore.. can I please go to Aus instead?? please God? please???

The Festival of Life 08′ is over. I spent four days living on the grounds at BKC and being at home by myself instead of with that mad bunch of people i call friends feels so strange. no more grabbing a bite at the Petrol pump.No more VIP passes and fighting for seats and running to get a good view of the band. No more jumping and dancing till we couldn’t feel our legs. no more laughing like nuts with Violet. No more hugs from Josh..

Josh leaves today and I feel terrible that I didnt meet him enough. He was here for more than a month and I only met him for like 5 days in all!  Argh!!! Why do people have to leave?! i hate it. Cant everyone just stay in one place?

Dont remind me. I know I have to leave too! Do you think its easy counting the months?

I’ve never connected with a place as much as I have with this city. This place is my life. I cannot imagine a day when I have wake up to a place that sounds *and smells* nothing like this. If I had my way, I wouldnt move at all. I wouldnt pack up and leave behind everything that I love. I want to see my dear little Noah grow up and go to school. I want to sit down and help him with his homework. I want to be able to call Oscar at whatever time and bug him with my problems..even though most of the times he’s least interested. 🙂
walk around Bandra for hours with Sheila.

But like all good things…

I did it once. I can do it again.
It takes a while to get used to change.. but hopefully I will find people once again who will be my strength through those tough times.
But above all, I put my trust in God.
He’s the only who knows what He’s doing. 🙂

I still think the world would be cooler if EVERYONE lived within five minutes of each other.
Anyone know how to fill up those huge water bodies?

back!

Its been long enough that I havent blogged. Time to get back on track. Things have been pretty much the same.. Mom and Dad are out of town for a couple of days. The house looks like a complete disaster. Its official. I cannot take care of a house by myself. Its near Impossible! How do people do it?  I have so much to do.. so many people to meet. It gets so difficult sometimes. It is so hard to be there for everyone. I make plans with one person and then I have at least 2 or 3 other people calling up and asking, pleading, emotionally blackmailing me to come hang out with them! *I do not mean any one person in particular. Do not get me wrong* and as much as I love the attention it is SO hard to choose. I’m ashamed of it but I had to cancel with some people who I havent met in ages *Gives Lumi hug* just coz’ Sheila was in town. What am I to do??!! I am only one person! *sigh*

Apart from that, I’m doing ok. Oscar was nice enough to share his cold with me. I hate colds. I mean…they hang around for too long. They’re not like fevers or chicken pox which you know lasts for a definite period of time. They’re always around..acting up at the most inappropriate times.
Fevers on the other hand, are nicer. They come and stay for a day or two and then they leave. Dont really bother you too much. In fact when I was in school, I always hoped for a nice fever..especially around those lousy test times. Three days off School. Wow!
I like the pampering the most. The nice warm blanket, the hot soup..laying in bed all day.

I better stop before I actually come down with something. No matter how much I like fevers.. this week I refuse to accept it! because..

The Festival of Life crusade is here!! Delirious?, Darlene Zchech, Joyce Meyer and Brian Houston! The city’s going crazy with excitement. I’m so glad I dont have a job or college to attend. For once I’m free to go. 😀
I’m a little nervous about meeting people. wont go into details here.

I’m concerned that I’m not taking enough photographs this year.. considering this is my last year here. I’m just waiting for my computer to get better… and my braces to come off! I look like I’m 12! Lol.. My dentist thinks it should be soon. *crosses fingers* It has to come off soon. I have too much planned! lol.

There. That’s my “I’m back” post. Sorry Celeste, I tried to make it a little interesting. But I dont sleepwalk and there’s no place that sells burgers that late at night. 😛

Being me,
Enit

My life=boring

I had no idea being unemployed was this boring. I have nothing to do. I sit at home all day in the hope that someone somewhere will want to hang out at the mall or go sit at the beach. Anything!! It doesn’t help that ALL my friends stay far away. I cant go there. They’re too lazy to come here. Sheila’s too busy doing her own thing. I miss Yusuf.
This was actually my excuse for not putting up a post. What can I write about? There’s nothing happening..
I wish I read the newspapers more.. maybe then I’d have some topic to discuss here.
*sigh*
Is there some hope for me?

P.s: the new WordPress hoodies are so cool! I want! 

A new year

I wonder what this year holds. I was just waiting for 07′ to end coz’ frankly.. not one of my favorites. made the worst mistakes, lost friends, final year of college, problems at home, no sense of direction.. So i was pretty much tired and waiting for it to end.

A New Year…
New hopes. A clean slate. Time to forget the past and start new.

Well, thats what I thought…

I usually make the mistake of judging the year according to the first day. I don’t know how I got the idea that the 1st of Jan represents the whole year ahead coz’ as far as I can remember 01.01.07 was great! But the rest of the year… not worth mentioning.

And today was good. Did have its moments. But overall… depressing.
So if the theory worked the other way, does that mean this year will be good??

I think its being around some people. (No names…to protect me)
You look at some people and wonder if they’re ever really going to change.The same problems. The same complaining. Dissatisfaction.
Is it that difficult to stop holding onto something thats a million years old and to stop bringing it up in every conversation? Why make my life miserable?
I look back over the year and the “casualties of the war” around me and it saddens me and scares me at the same time. Who’s next? Why wont it stop? I hate feeling like things are not going to work out.

Because somewhere deep down I know it is. I know Prayer works. It takes a while sometimes. But it does work. I hate being afraid. And I don’t want my life to be run by fear of any kind. I know the choice lies in my hands. And somehow that’s not very comforting. I make the choices. I pay the price. I sow, I reap.

I hate knowing all this in theory and then not knowing how to actually put it into practise.. 

I am grateful though for certain rays of sunshine. I can talk to them about anything and they always help me see a new perspective and *almost* always manage to get the dimple back. Life is sweet just knowing they are a part of it.

I must end this here.

Looking heavenward,
Enit