I thought this was so funny.. and so true! 
                                                

-Please don’t drink and drive,
you’re not quite ready to meet me yet.
                                                      
-How can you possibly be a self-made man?
I specifically recall creating you.
                                                      
-Could you imagine the price of air if
it were brought to you by another supplier?
                                                       
– If you think the Mona Lisa is stunning,
you should look at my masterpiece.
                    In the mirror.
                                                      
-What do I have to do to get your attention?
         Take out an ad in the paper?
                                                     
-Earthlings, Don’t treat me like an alien.
                                                     
-I think you are the most beautiful person in the world.
         Okay, so I’m biased.
                                                     

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