I thought this was so funny.. and so true! 

-Please don’t drink and drive,
you’re not quite ready to meet me yet.
-How can you possibly be a self-made man?
I specifically recall creating you.
-Could you imagine the price of air if
it were brought to you by another supplier?
– If you think the Mona Lisa is stunning,
you should look at my masterpiece.
                    In the mirror.
-What do I have to do to get your attention?
         Take out an ad in the paper?
-Earthlings, Don’t treat me like an alien.
-I think you are the most beautiful person in the world.
         Okay, so I’m biased.