There was a before.
When life was full of people, activities, music, family, phone calls

and then there was an after
Time alone, coming to terms with silence, fighting to make the right choices.

I dont know how I did it. I dont understand what went through my mind. What would have happened if I had just stayed back.

I look back at diary entries over the years and I see that what was once a dream is now reality but did I really want this.
I’m not having second thoughts… because frankly I haven’t let myself think about it. I’m just living. Merely existing.

What do I want? I don’t think I know anymore.