Life on the move

So, I’m looking at the pictures that Sheila put up of her apartment just before she moved out. And I seem to understand how hard it is for her. How you want to hold onto everything. Every memory.
Every laugh, every tear in that place. Moving is so hard. But it has to be done. A new place can be so difficult to get used to.

It was like that for me when I left home at 13 to move to this crazy city. I was scared and excited all at the same time. I remember going to my neighbor’s house and leaving all the books and comics I wasn’t allowed to take back. The sun hadn’t come up yet. Looked back at the house I called home for the last 10-11 years. Every friend I had made was here. Every fight, every fall… all here. I learnt to swim here. I *almost* learnt to ride a bike here. I even played a little cricket.  

People ask me whether I like Saudi more or India. It seems to be a favorite question with people.
Over the years, I’ve learnt to say what people want to hear. Just keeps them quiet for awhile. Better that way. But I don’t know.

Today, Saudi has nothing for me. Dad lives an hour away from where I was brought up. All my friends are either in India or the US. There’s no one. And yet… in a strange way… It’s still home.

And now, I’m getting ready to move again. A new place… just as I was about to sit back and relax.
Thank you for offering to come help me set up Sheila. I’m sure I’ll need all the help I can get!

Moving… again.

*title-less*

Due to all the threats and complaints of the blog being too pink or reminding people of traumatic childhood experiences.. I have decided to move back to an old favorite of mine..

Forgive me the pain I have caused your eyes..

*blank*

Aren’t family fights awesome?
Nothing that a good cup of tea and a short sweet prayer can’t fix though..

I’ll have a little surprise by the end of this week!
Keep your fingers crossed.

Surprise!!

No! You havent reached Barbie.com or anything. I thought it would be nice to really shock people. Especially oscar. I’m so sure he’ll say that he’ll never come back until I change my theme again..

A very very bored me.

One more week gone by

This week has been the strangest of all. Explain how in spite of all the good things that happened, I was pretty low for most of the time.I wasn’t sad. It was more dissatisfaction.
Suddenly everything I dislike and criticize in others was so evident in me.. Superficiality, Immaturity, Obsession, petty jealousy..
I hate shallow people. I hate pride.
But somehow this week I felt like I was all of that and much more.

I know.. Feelings are the last thing I should rely on.

I feel like I’m overdoing it, you know. Like I need to sit down and be quiet for a while.
Not talk. not laugh. Just be still. Be a little less like me.

Every time I tried doing that in the past, people thought i was upset or angry or that I lost a bet.

But no. I just don’t want to be my usual anymore.
I want to be like everyone else.
Not stand out anymore. Blend in. Go unnoticed.
Not seek approval or attention from people.

Maybe I need to get away from the city. No phone calls.No messages.No friends
Just me, my bible and God.

Drowning

So I’ve been struggling with these college application for the last two days and since I’ve explained the situation over and over again to different people, I’m not going to start over here. Its so hard to put in your own words why you want to do a particular course. I mean you want to be yourself and yet sound super smart and eventually end up putting a lot on there that you’re not sure you want to say.

There’s so much on my mind right now… like my cupboard. I’m so embarrassed to be saying this.. but its hard to open it coz’ you never know what might fall on top of you. My big challenge these past few days has been making sure my Mom doesn’t get anywhere near it. Think of what could happen:

Mom: Where’s that white Dupatta of mine? It must be in your cupboard.. You’re always stealing my stuff!!!

Me: *From the Kitchen* I’ll get it for you. Let me just get something to eat first.

Mom: Which translates as ‘Wait a week, I’ll courier it to you’. What am I going to do with this girl?? Stop eating so much..You dont even exerci… Aiyoooo, look at the mess in this room..

Me: *halfway thru my first bite of yummy Tuna sandwich* NOooOOOOooooOOooOO maa. wait. I’ll do it.

Mom:OOf! what am I going to do with you??!! I‘m here already. I might as well… AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!! Help! Help! I’m being attacked by bags!

Me: *to self* and empty boxes of chocolates, jeans that I no longer fit into,t-shirts,books..
Oh look maa, here’s your dupatta. You were right after all!

Mom: *from under a huge pile of stuff* You.. I’ll.. Just wait..
You are irresponsible, you don’t do any work at home. Just sit and get fatter! When you get married your mother-in-law is not going to let you get away with living like this. I’ll get a bad name because of you!!!! and look at all these chocolate wrappers.. no wonder you’re getting rounder!!!! *tries to get off the floor*

Me: *helps her up*

Mom: …and you haven’t found a job yet.. How long should I pay for you. You’re 21!!!!! Do something with your life! Your father has spoiled you. Just wait, I’ll tell him all this.NO MORE CHOCOLATES FOR YOU NOW!!

So, now you know why I have to get my cupboard cleared up ASAP! How can I live without chocolate?!!! Aiyooo!

Moving on to seriouser topics..
This Wednesday, I got a chance to go for house church at Borivali with Eben and Oscar and I realized that I really missed being a part of Shannon’s house church.I miss him and his guitar. I love the way he teaches the Word. He’s so much fun. You just know he has spent a lot of time and effort to prepare the Word. And I have rarely met people who are so theologically sound. Most people just believe whatever they’re told. No searching scripture for the answer. I’m just so grateful to be under his leadership. I started from there.. and I’m here today because he invested so much into my life. *gives Shannon cool pink guitar as token of gratitude*

I have to end this earlier than I thought. There’s some wedding in the building and they’ve asked a band *no not a cool one.. one of those marching bands* and they’re playing extremely loud and annoying songs from Om shanti om which happens to be the stupidest movie of the century!! Even Himmesh’s masterpiece was stupid but slightly believable!!

Happy weekend all!!!

People and Pain

The thing about best friends..
You love them to death.. and they do too.
You can talk about anything
but the best times are spent in silence
under the stars

No one knows you better than them
not even yourself
They know when you’re sincere,
they know when you’re lying..

but really its a pain
Its harder to love and then let go

If I had a heart of stone
maybe life would be a lot easier.

You’re hurt.
I am too

Then why go on like this

Lets part ways
Right here right now

you live your life
Dont worry about mine

Seeking

I found so much today in the presence of God.. for the first time I felt like I really worshipped. It seems like for the past 6 years I havent really worshipped God. Today was something else.

Worship changes you.
Not God.
It changes me.

God’s working in me.. and I’m waiting to see that finished work.
I probably wont even recognize myself when he’s finished.

Going back into that secret place

Waiting

Khade hai hum
tere aag ke liye
Pyaase khade
Meghaon ke neeche

Barsaa de

-Barsaa De
Joshua Generation

Battle plan

I woke up this morning with the aim to begin eat healthy. As I was reading a book on eating the right way, I made little plans..
No more chocolates. Maybe just once a week.
No junk food
More fruits
More *ugh* veggies
EXERCISE

Even while I was having my first slice of chocolate cake, I was still making plans…  walk more, instead of using rickshaws so much

By the time I got to my fourth slice.. I had changed my status on FB.. I’m focusing on eating healthy.

After a burger and an order of large fries for lunch, I thought that maybe some fruit would be nice as dessert.. but the cake was closer, so.. slice no. 5 or was it 6? I lose count.

Don’t worry… I  finally did top off all that nice chocolate with some fruit.

The next time I wake up with these thoughts… I’m just going to turn around and go right back to sleep.