KSA-5

Mom’s idea- Since Dad and I wont be there for your b’day we’ll celebrate it here.

I bring it up once we get here because I thought it would be a good time to have something special with the people I spent the last 21 years of my life with..

Dad’s idea- yeah, Lets drive for an hour and a half and go to yor cousin’s place where there will be a lot more people you dont know and after they’re done with their meeting we’ll celebrate with them.

My Idea- you go guys go ahead. I’ll wait at home.

Dad’s next idea- Oh ok.. then we’ll just call them all home.. and because the house is really big for just 10 people… I invited 2 more people. One is the guy who bought us dinner last night. We have to give him dinner now and the other guy who you’re sorta related to.. The one who stares a lot. I’m sure it will be great.

wow! Im going to have so much fun. These are the very people I’ve been dying to spend time with. Thanks Dad.. I couldnt have asked for anything more.
I thought 21 was supposed to be special..maybe I was thinking of the party Shirley had when she turned 21. She had family, her college friends, her church gang. People she knew and loved being with. Not people she met once a year. That party was so much fun.

and here I am…just a week away from 21. and hating it already. I dont understand why its so difficult for Dad to just spend time with us.  just the four of us. We’ve never taken a trip together just for fun. We dont just go to an amusement park or to a museum. Nothing for the four of us. There has to be atleast four other people everywhere we go.

Last night, on our way back from visiting people, we were in the car and I brought this up. Anytime I want to talk to them about anything.. their first thought is that I dont appreciate anything they’ve done for me over the years. that I’m ungrateful.

but thats just it.. Its not that I’m ungrateful. I am.. Which is why I thought it would be great for the four of us to hang out. just us. Dont you get it Dad? These years that I live with you under your roof are coming to a close. I’m going off into the world. Studying, working, settling down.. its all just going to take me further away. nothing’s going to bring this time back. and I’d rather spend my bday with the four of you than in a huge party.

I wish you’d understand.

Somehow, I want to make up my mind not to enjoy myself but I know that its just going to make him more miserable. 
So, I’ll jsut grin and bear it.  

From KSA-4

Its only been four days and I’m already tired. I want to go back to everything God is doing back home.
I cant be around people who think of God as a reason to waste another evening. I look at their lives… amazed that there are people who exist who call on God one minute and the very next talk about how it is impractical to believe what the Bible says.
I’ve had it. I’m frustrated. Don’t care anymore.

Unbelief. How can anyone not believe in the power of God? Especially when you’ve seen the wonders He’s done with your own eyes… Impractical??!!! How in the world can you say that? Who defines normal and practical anyway??!

 

I want to go back in time and meet Elijah or one of the apostles. How did they deal with human beings?

 

I miss being in my own church… where people are appointed as leaders. They dont just assume it and where there arent more than one people “leading” at one time… Argh!!!

 

worn out,
-Enit