Death

Death creeps in quietly, like a thief. Unexpected.. Unwanted.

Last night I was watching a video of a funeral. I cried a lot and prayed for the family because they were so special and important to me. I went to sleep around 4:30 a.m.
I woke up because of a phone call. I had no idea what time it was. It was Mansa’s dad. He’s here from Saudi for a really short holiday. While i was speaking to him, I kept wondering why he was speaking to me in such hushed tones. Then he said… “Sometimes God lets certain things happen. He has his perfect time.remember that he’s with you. Your uncle passed away yesterday. Your dad didnt tell you last night because we didnt want to hurt you or upset you. He called me at 12 last night and aked me to come with you to meet the family. Dont worry about anything.. Everything will be fine.”

I sat there listening. I could hear him but nothing he was saying  made sense. My uncle.. How can He die? He was perfectly fine. I met him just less than a week ago. How could he die?
It was 6:45 a.m. i had been asleep for only about three hours. Maybe thats why I didn’t believe what he was saying.
15 minutes later, I realised what he was saying was probably true. Why could he call me before 7 a.m to make up a horrible story like that? 
I cried and cried. I couldnt help it. The night before i had been crying for a friend and was feeling so sorry for them. But now it was in my own family. What do i tell them? How do I comfort them? What could i say that could make things any better?
My Mom’s younger brother.. her only brother. He was only a week away from his 47th birthday. He has a wife and a 19 year old son Neil. He has been working in saudi for the past 4 or 5 years. He hasn’t seen his family in over a year.
Now he’s gone. They found him dead in the bathroom. Heart attack. the last time I met him I remember him saying that his job was really stressful. 15 hours with only a 45 minute lunch break.

I hadn’t spoken to Neil in over a year. I was too busy. I called him this morning. I didnt know what to say. He asked me to come home because he wanted to see me and Justin.
When we got to his place, his house was packed with people from his church. He walked up to me and all I did was hug him and for the first time in my life I saw Neil cry. I couldnt bear to look at him. What could I tell him? here he was, my dear little brother without his father, alone, left to support himself and his family. All I could do was stand by him and pray for him.

I dont know why people have to die. I often thought of what would hapen to me if either one of my parents ever died. All i know is of a God who loved me so much that he gave his Son for me and I know that God will take care of me and Neil.

A special thankyou to Eben, who comforted me and prayed for me throughtout this entire ordeal. You are such a blessing to me. You’ve always been there and so often i forget to be grateful. You’ve believed in me and you never thought I was crazy for some of the things i have said or done. Thankyou little bro for being there.

Thankyou God for giving me the grace to go through this day. It was hard but you were there.

Death

Death creeps in quietly, like a thief. Unexpected.. Unwanted.

Last night I was watching a video of a funeral. I cried a lot and prayed for the family because they were so special and important to me. I went to sleep around 4:30 a.m.
I woke up because of a phone call. I had no idea what time it was. It was Mansa’s dad. He’s here from Saudi for a really short holiday. While i was speaking to him, I kept wondering why he was speaking to me in such hushed tones. Then he said… “Sometimes God lets certain things happen. He has his perfect time.remember that he’s with you. Your uncle passed away yesterday. Your dad didnt tell you last night because we didnt want to hurt you or upset you. He called me at 12 last night and aked me to come with you to meet the family. Dont worry about anything.. Everything will be fine.”
I sat there listening. I could hear him but nothing he was saying made sense. My uncle.. How can He die? He was perfectly fine. I met him just less than a week ago. How could he die?
It was 6:45 a.m. i had been asleep for only about three hours. Maybe thats why I didn’t believe what he was saying.
15 minutes later, I realised what he was saying was probably true. Why could he call me before 7 a.m to make up a horrible story like that?
I cried and cried. I couldnt help it. The night before i had been crying for a friend and was feeling so sorry for them. But now it was in my own family. What do i tell them? How do I comfort them? What could i say that could make things any better?

My Mom’s younger brother.. her only brother. He was only a week away from his 47th birthday. He has a wife and a 19 year old son, Neil. He has been working in saudi for the past 4 or 5 years. He hasn’t seen his family in over a year.
Now he’s gone. They found him dead in the bathroom. Heart attack.
The last time I met him I remember him saying that his job was really stressful. 15 hours with only a 45 minute lunch break.
I hadn’t spoken to Neil in over a year. I was too busy. I called him this morning. I didnt know what to say. He asked me to come home because he wanted to see me and Justin.
When we got to his place, his house was packed with people from his church. He walked up to me and all I did was hug him and for the first time in my life I saw Neil cry. We cried in each others arms.We’ve never done that before. I dont think i have ever hugged Neil in my life.
I couldnt bear to look at him. What could I tell him? There he was, my dear little brother without his father, alone, left to support himself and his family. All I could do was stand by him and pray for him.
I dont know why people have to die. I often thought of what would happen to me if either one of my parents ever died.I dont what i wuold do if I were in Neil’s place. All I know is of a God who loved me so much that he gave his Son for me and I know that God will take care of me and Neil.

A special thankyou to Eben, who comforted me and prayed for me throughtout this entire ordeal. You are such a blessing to me. You’ve always been there and so often i forget to be grateful. You’ve believed in me and you never thought I was crazy for some of the things i have said or done. Thankyou little bro for being there.

Thankyou God for giving me the grace to go through this day. It was hard but you were there.

Grace

I think I’ll write about what God had been speaking to me about that one week in Saudi. I was reading ‘What’s so amazing about Grace?’ by Philip Yancey (which I must say is a fabulous book) and I learnt so much from it. I learnt firstly that I am a hypocrite.. worse than a pharisee. A pretty hard first lesson! 
I was walking around judging people just as the pharisees did. Forgetting so easily that not too long ago God had forgiven me and accepted me in to his family. Saved by grace.. yet found it so hard to give that grace to others.
But that is what God expects of us. God loves everyone. He loves your worst enemy just as much as he loves you. That hit me really hard.
I’ve noticed that christians tend to create a sort of impenetrable wall of ‘holiness’ around them that people cant get by. I’ve realised that I’m not holy beacuse of what i do or say but i’m holy because of the blood of Christ. So i have nothing to boast about. Its Jesus all the way. So pull down the walls and reach out.. people need love.

So I’ve decided (and by his grace I’ll live by it) to love- no matter who the person is, no matter what they’ve done, irrespective of whether I think they deserve it. I want to see everyone through God’s eyes. Eyes of love.

My choice

He placed one scoop of clay upon another until a form lay lifeless upon the ground.
   
All were silent as the Creator reached in himself and removed something yet unseen. “It’s called ‘Choice’. The seed of choice.”
   
Creation stood in silence and gazed upon the lifeless form.

An angel spoke, “But what if he…”

“What if he chooses not to love?” the Creator finished. “Come, I will show you.”

Unbound by today, God and the angel walked into the realm of tomorrow…

The angel gasped at what he saw. Spontaneous love. Voluntary devotion. Never had he seen anything like this… The angel stood speechless as they passed through centuries of repugnance. Never had he seen such filth. Rotten hearts. Ruptures promises. Forgotten loyalties.

The Creator walked on in time, further and further int0 the future, until he stood by a tree. A tree that would be fashioned into a cradle. Even then he could smell the hay that surrounded him…

“Wouldn’t it be easier to not plant the the seed? Wouldn’t it be easier to not give the the choice?”

“It would,” the Creator spoke slowly. “But to remove the choice  is to remove the love.”

…They stepped into the Garden again. The Maker looked earnestly at the clay creation. A monsoon of love sweeled up within him. He had died for the creation before he had made him. God’s form bent over the sculptured face and breathed. dust stirred on the lips of the new one. The chest rose, cracking the red mud. The cheeks fleshened. A finger moved and an eye opened.

But more incredible than the moving of the flesh was the stirring of the spirit. Those who could see the unseen gasped.

Perhaps it was the wind who said it first. Perhaps what the star saw than moment has made it blink ever since. Maybe it was left to an angel to whisper it:
  “It looks like…it appears so much like…it is him!”

The angel wasn’t speaking of the face, the features, or the body. He was looking inside- at the soul.

“It’s eternal!” gasped another.

Within the man God had placed a divine seed. A seed of his self. The God of might had created the earth’s mightiest. The Creator had created, not a creature, but another Creator. And the one who had chosen to love had created the one who could love in return.

Now it’s our choice.

–In the Eye of the Storm by Max Lucado 

After I read this, I felt God was moving me. He was speaking to me about his love. A love stronger than the pull of the World, love more beautiful than any man could offer, love more powerful than death. People do so much to try to earn this love. But thats the funny part.. they dont have to earn it. It’s free. Not cheap, but free. I knew then I had to live for this love.I had to make a choice to love back.I need that love… a love that never judges, love that wipes away my tears, love that understands my every sigh. 
                                                  I love the way He loves me.

My choice

He placed one scoop of clay upon another until a form lay lifeless upon the ground.

All were silent as the Creator reached in himself and removed something yet unseen. “It’s called ‘Choice’. The seed of choice.”

Creation stood in silence and gazed upon the lifeless form.
An angel spoke, “But what if he…”
“What if he chooses not to love?” the Creator finished. “Come, I will show you.”
Unbound by today, God and the angel walked into the realm of tomorrow…
The angel gasped at what he saw. Spontaneous love. Voluntary devotion. Never had he seen anything like this… The angel stood speechless as they passed through centuries of repugnance. Never had he seen such filth. Rotten hearts. Ruptures promises. Forgotten loyalties.
The Creator walked on in time, further and further int0 the future, until he stood by a tree. A tree that would be fashioned into a cradle. Even then he could smell the hay that surrounded him…
“Wouldn’t it be easier to not plant the the seed? Wouldn’t it be easier to not give the the choice?”
“It would,” the Creator spoke slowly. “But to remove the choice is to remove the love.”
…They stepped into the Garden again. The Maker looked earnestly at the clay creation. A monsoon of love sweeled up within him. He had died for the creation before he had made him. God’s form bent over the sculptured face and breathed. Dust stirred on the lips of the new one. The chest rose, cracking the red mud. The cheeks fleshened. A finger moved and an eye opened.
But more incredible than the moving of the flesh was the stirring of the spirit. Those who could see the unseen gasped.
Perhaps it was the wind who said it first. Perhaps what the star saw that moment has made it blink ever since. Maybe it was left to an angel to whisper it: “It looks like…it appears so much like…it is him!”
The angel wasn’t speaking of the face, the features, or the body. He was looking inside- at the soul.
“It’s eternal!” gasped another.
Within the man God had placed a divine seed. A seed of his self. The God of might had created the earth’s mightiest. The Creator had created, not a creature, but another Creator. And the one who had chosen to love had created the one who could love in return.
Now it’s our choice.
–In the Eye of the Storm by Max Lucado

After I read this, I felt God was moving me. He was speaking to me about his love. A love stronger than the pull of the World, love more beautiful than any man could offer, love more powerful than death. People do so much to try to earn this love. But thats the funny part.. they dont have to earn it. It’s free. Not cheap, but free. I knew then I had to live for this love.I had to make a choice to love back.I need that love… a love that never judges, love that wipe away my tears, love that understands my every sigh.

I love the way He loves me.

I want to write but Im so tired. Or lazy.. whatever you want to call it. i have so many assignments to finish. But I dont even feel like starting on them.
Dont worry. ill post something soon. just let me get a little sleep.. a little rest. Ill be back!

Im home

It feels so good to be back home. but I do miss Mom and Dad. Its going to be weird without her here.. but i have to learn to stand on my own feet.
im not going to post much for now. Just had to let you all know that im back.. safe and sound..

I am so tired. Packing is such hard work. You pack and then you unpack and then you pack again. And then someone comes along with a parcel and you have to pack all over again. lol. Tiring! I am somewhat excited about this trip because i know God plans to do something in Saudi. Something to look forward to.
Aunty Nalini came home today and there happened to be these two women at home, one lady was having trouble with her marriage. Aunty listened to all of her problems and then she gave the Gospel to her, plain and simple and in Hindi!
That was the first time i’ve ever heard anyone share the gospel. It sounded so beautiful.. so sweet. so perfect. I’m in awe of the gift I have received. I must learn to cherish it.

These past few days have been so crazy. My birthday was strange because I wasnt in college and all my friends were far away although I do appreciate the messages and the phone calls..
and my friend’s dad was admitted in the hospital.. paralytic stroke.
Another friend lost her dad the day before my birthday and she was supposed to be married in a month. Made me feel awful. I know it wasnt my fault but I didnt want to celebrate another year to my life just then..
But I am grateful for twenty great years that God has given me. Lots of fun,even more mistakes but loads of Mercy and Grace.. I’ve watched God lead me through the toughest moments in my life. He has never let me down and i know he never will.

I know all of my friends are up to some big surprise thing which everyone promises me i will love. Im sure I will. Its just that I hate having to wait for it. And all of them keep mumbling about some Courier service.. If Deepak Sir knows what its about then maybe I could bribe him with cake.. hmm…
Or maybe i could just be patient and wait for it.

I cant wait to see my dad. This past week has taught me how important my dad is. So I’m gonna make every meeting count.

Gotta go finish my submission now.

I am so tired. Packing is such hard work. You pack and then you unpack and then you pack again. And then someone comes along with a parcel and you have to pack all over again. lol. Tiring! I am somewhat excited about this trip because i know God plans to do something in Saudi. Something to look forward to.
Aunty Nalini came home today and there happened to be these two women at home, one lady was having trouble with her marriage. Aunty listened to all of her problems and then she gave the Gospel to her, plain and simple and in Hindi!
That was the first time i’ve ever heard anyone share the gospel. It sounded so beautiful.. so sweet. so perfect. I’m in awe of the gift I have received. I must learn to cherish it.

These past few days have been so crazy. My birthday was strange because I wasnt in college and all my friends were far away although I do appreciate the messages and the phone calls..
and my friend’s dad was admitted in the hospital.. paralytic stroke.
Another friend lost her dad the day before my birthday and she was supposed to be married in a month. Made me feel awful. I know it wasnt my fault but I didnt want to celebrate another year to my life just then..
But I am grateful for twenty great years that God has given me. Lots of fun,even more mistakes but loads of Mercy and Grace.. I’ve watched God lead me through the toughest moments in my life. He has never let me down and i know he never will.

I know all of my friends are up to some big surprise thing which everyone promises me i will love. Im sure I will. Its just that I hate having to wait for it. And all of them keep mumbling about some Courier service.. If Deepak Sir knows what its about then maybe I could bribe him with cake.. hmm…
Or maybe i could just be patient and wait for it.

I cant wait to see my dad. This past week has taught me how important my dad is. So I’m gonna make every meeting count.

Gotta go finish my submission now.

Kitchen woes

Washing clothes is hard work.. No, I didnt use the washing machine. I washed them by hand. Tiring!!! I also ‘learnt’ to cook something!

I’ve realised that I’m any mother’s worst nightmare. My room is forever a mess. Maybe I should spend some more time with Sampada.. maybe some of her Obsessive-Compulsiveness will rub off on me! Justin’s cupbaord is more organised than mine!!!! Can you believe I didnt even know what a teaspoon measure was!! But I think I’m a little better now. Atleast now I dont get confused between the recipe for tea and the recipe for coffee.. my coffee still sucks anyway. The other day I wanted to boil potatoes and I couldnt remember whether you peel the potatoes first and then boil it or vice versa. *groan* I had to ask justin! What am I going to do?!
And then my mom had to brighten up my day as usual. She said something about how my mother-in-law would not tolerate all this and she would give me a hard time if i didnt shape up. Wow! there’s something to look forward to. First of all I have to leave my house and go to his house and them have his mom yell at me because I dont know how to do anything!! Life couldn’t get any better!!!

Then I hit upon this great idea! Ill write her a letter. I’m hoping that she blogs or atleast her son blogs and then he’ll tell her about it or something. so here goes-
Dear Mr. Christine’s mother,
Hi! I will probably be marrying your son in a couple of years.. not sure when. we haven’t decided on a date coz we haven’t met yet. hehe. so anyway getting back to the point. I dont know how to cook or clean very well. I can make strong tea(which my mom and dad love) I can make maggi noodles and cake (under supervision). I can wash dishes really well and if i set my mind to it then i can make my room look really neat. Remember when you were married and how scared you were and how you hard you tried to make a good impression. Not with your husband (we know you did that already.. wink wink)..With your in-laws. So keep that in mind when I come over to your place. I have a lot of other good qualities, eg: i’m fun, you wont be bored and we can go shopping and do a lot of girl stuff together which you probably would not be able to do with your son. oh and I can give real good foot massages. I promise to give you one every night. So I hope you will remember this letter when you finally meet me. I promise to be just like a daughter to you and you will be just like my mom for me.
Lots of love
Christine
P.S- I hope you can cook good italian food. If you cant, then work on it.

Hark I hear my mother calling.. i better go. maybe i can still learn something.