Last night was so bad. I was going through old diary entries.. and I realised that over the past 5 years.. There hasnt been much of a change. I’m still the same person. The same struggles. The same failures.
Yes, God has changed me a lot but there’s still so much of me that needs to be different. I started to compare myself to other people who were really growing in the Lord and who were a blessing to so many. I felt so horrible about myself. I felt like I was absolutely worthless to God.
So what did I do? I sat in the dark.. eating yoghurt and cried. I talked to God the whole time and He spoke to me.
I turned to Psalm 20
1 May the Lord answer you when you are in distress;
may the name of God of Jacob protect you.
2 May He send you help from the sanctuary
and grant you support from Zion.
3 May he remember all your sacrifices
and accept all your burnt offerings
4 May he give you the desire of your heart
and make all your plans to succeed.
5 We will shout for joy when you are victorious
and will lift up our banners in the name of our God.
May the Lord grant you all your requests.
6 Now I know that the Lord saves his anointed;
he answers him form his holy heaven
with the saving power of his right hand
7 Some trust in chariots and horses,
but we trust in the name of the LORD our God.
8 They are brought to their knees and fall,
but we rise up and stand firm.
9 O Lord, save the king!
Answer us when we call!
I read this and I didnt really understand what He was trying to say to me.
So I read it again. And this time He spoke.
v6 says The Lord saves his anointed. That just said it all.
This might sound stupid to some but my name means ‘Anointed’ ( a variant of Christ) and I know that names are very important in the Bible because the name speaks of who the person is.
I substituted my name into the verse-
The Lord saves Christine,
He answers her from his holy heaven
with the saving power of his right hand
I was trying too hard. God doesnt want me to struggle.
He asks me to trust in him.
It brought to my mind this song–
Because he believes in me,
I can climb any mountain
Because He believes in me,
I can walk on the sea
Because he believes in me,
I can do the impossible
Because he believes, Because he believes in me
God believes in me and He believes in you.
Even when you find it hard to love yourself, God still does.
Nothing you ever do can shock him. He knows your every move.
He loves you… inspite of who you are and He can never stop loving you.. no matter what
Loved your post. I really needed these words today. Thanks!
And thanks for the comment on my blog. Please read some of my more serious posts as well :p
No, I’m not Mallu but I’m from a place quite close to the border of Kerala. Are you?
Loved your post. I really needed these words today. Thanks!
And thanks for the comment on my blog. Please read some of my more serious posts as well :p
No, I’m not Mallu but I’m from a place quite close to the border of Kerala. Are you?
i’m somewhat alright, floudnering in school literally.
trying to figure out if all this time and effort will lead to anything.
I’m so sorry about your uncle as well, I hope your doing better.
i’m somewhat alright, floudnering in school literally.
trying to figure out if all this time and effort will lead to anything.
I’m so sorry about your uncle as well, I hope your doing better.
Shilpa and Sheela!
no way!
I can still remember them really vividly, it’s really weird the things you retain. I think I remember their collar bones the most-those things stuck out like ninja razors.
What’re they like/up to/ anything.
Saudi feels like a lifetime ago, just the whole experience and the people and school. I miss it sometimes when you just want everything to stop being so hard. IIS literally, a cake walk compared to dealing with reality.
UBC is most definetely overrated. It’s a beautiful campus in the summer when you can actually see the scenery- most of the time it’s running in to building avoiding giant puddles, pouring rain, and dcaying leaves- highly exciting.
you should definetely do a semester here- it’s altering- it’ll be fun- you know people!
anywho, i’m procrastinating- back to the essay.
ciao
Shilpa and Sheela!
no way!
I can still remember them really vividly, it’s really weird the things you retain. I think I remember their collar bones the most-those things stuck out like ninja razors.
What’re they like/up to/ anything.
Saudi feels like a lifetime ago, just the whole experience and the people and school. I miss it sometimes when you just want everything to stop being so hard. IIS literally, a cake walk compared to dealing with reality.
UBC is most definetely overrated. It’s a beautiful campus in the summer when you can actually see the scenery- most of the time it’s running in to building avoiding giant puddles, pouring rain, and dcaying leaves- highly exciting.
you should definetely do a semester here- it’s altering- it’ll be fun- you know people!
anywho, i’m procrastinating- back to the essay.
ciao